Late Night Episodes
Show: Late Night with Conan O'Brien

Episode #: 2630

Air Date09/25/2001

Monologue JokesEdit

  • Last night was a huge night in the news: Sarah Palin introduced herself to the country at the Republican National Convention. And during her speech, I don't know if you saw this, Sarah Palin spoke proudly about being a 'hockey mom'. Yeah, that's what she said. Now it's unknown what positions her kids play, but one of them isn't very good at "protecting the crease". [Stunned audience reaction.] Ok then... That jokes gonna follow me around for a while!
  • This is interesting. Sarah Palin's husband was at the convention last night, and at one point, Palin said her husband's parents were Eskimos. Yeah, then tonight, during John McCain's speech he admitted that his parents were Vikings. Yeah, they found this great continent of ours...
  • Now today, it was reported that the speech that Sarah Palin delivered at the convention was actually written by President Bush's speech writer. Did you know that? Yeah, which explains the title of the speech: I Like Trucks. [Conan winces and then scratches his head.]
  • Now, of course, while she was addressing the crowd Sarah Palin spent a lot of time criticizing Barack Obama's campaign speeches for not having enough specifics. That's what Palin says, yeah. Obama was reportedly angry about the claim, but didn't say exactly why. [Mild audience laughter, Conan nods.] That was a quiet one... It's ok to have one of those. [Conan mimics holding a cigar like Groucho Marx.] They can't all be "protect the crease".
  • Apple Computer's in the news. Apple Computer-- [Audience member woos]. Why would you cheer? [Mocking the audience member.] "And Exxon too, yeah, woo!" Giant corporation night. Apple Computer's getting complaints from some of it's overweight customers, cuz they claim their fingers are too fat to properly operate the new iPhone. Yeah, however, they say the iPhone is delicious. [Conan mimics pushing buttons on an iPhone, shrugs his shoulders, pulls down his jaw and then pretends to eat the device.] There was no need to act that out.
  • Today the mayor of Detroit agreed to plead guilty to obstruction of justice charges. As punishment, he will be required to serve out his full term as mayor of Detroit.
  • This is weird. True story, I just saw this. The other day, a warehouse worker won a contest that gave him the chance to play a game of "Horse", with basketball superstar LeBron James, and the warehouse worker beat LeBron twice in a row. True story, yeah, very cool. LeBron congratulated the worker, then bought the warehouse and had it destroyed.
  • Little celebrity dish for you. David Spade in the news. David Spade and his girlfriend announced they've had a baby girl. Isn't that nice? Yeah, Spade said he can't wait to hear the pitter-patter of someone else's little feet. Um... [Audience reacts.] He's a small fellow, yes. Stands on the palm of my hand when he's here.
  • This is weird, but I have to mention this. I can't get over it. A company called Lebeda has come out with a solar-powered vibrator. Finally, ladies and gentlemen, an environmentally responsible alternative to traditional gas-guzzling vibrators. I'm thrilled about this! [Conan mimics pulling a starter cord for the vibrator]. Producer thought that was too graphic. [Conan folds his arms and imitates Jeff Ross]. "I don't like it, that was gross, you shouldn't do it." [Conan pulls the imaginary vibrator starter cord again and then gives a thumbs-up to the camera.]

Comedy SegmentsEdit

Triumph Visits the 2008 Republican National Convention

The Shucker's Jelly Fan Birthday Segment


Dr. Phil

Kevin Connoly