SAT Analogies is a recurring sketch on Late Night.


October 28, 2003

  • New York Yankees fan: "Don't worry, we'll get 'em next year!":: New York Mets fan: "Don't worry, the Yankees will get 'em next year!"
  • David Blaine: went 44 days without eating:: the general public: went 44 days without caring
  • Napoleon complex: compensating for short stature by grasping at power:: Clay Aiken complex: compensating for gay-vibe by naming your album "Measure Of A Man"
  • Boston's Red Sox: Curse of the Bambino:: Boston' Conan O'Brien: Curse of the Albino
  • Southern California: burning out of control: Christina Aguilera:: burning containing to one centralized area
  • This Halloween weekend: little girl dressed as a princess:: every other weekend: Max Weinberg dressed as a princess
  • Rush Limbaugh, 1995: "We have laws selling drugs, pushing drugs, using drugs, importing drugs...and so if people are violating the law by doing drugs, they ought to be accused and they ought to be convicted and they ought to be set up.:: Rush Limbaugh, 2003: "Dude, listen...I think my shoes are singing."
  • Nomar Garciaparra: "I love Mia Hamm.":: Luciano Pavarotti: "I-a love-a me-a ham."
  • Couldn't quite get 27th ring: New York Yankees:: couldn't quite get 28th ring: J-Lo
  • Gallagher: bashes fruit:: Liza Minnelli: bashes fruit

December 10, 2003

  • Howard Dean, yesterday: gained a percentile:: Joe Lieberman, yesterday: betrayed by a gentile
  • New show with Meryl Streep and Al Pacino: Angels In America:: new show with Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie: Skanks In Arkansas
  • Ruben Studdard: waiting for album to drop:: Clay Aiken: waiting for testes to drop
  • Ozzy Osbourne: nearly killed himself operating an all-terrain vehicle:: Jessica Simpson: nearly killed herself operating a shoe
  • Tiger Woods: stands up to tee:: Conan O'Brien: sits down to pee
  • Bullish: optimistic about the stock market:: bearish: James Gandolfini in a steam room
  • Nat King Cole's Christmas Song: "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire":: NBC's Christmas Fear Factor: Goat nuts rolling in a white trash mouth
  • President Bush: got drugs for seniors:: Rush Limbaugh: bought drugs from sophomores
  • Ruben Studdard's left brain: "I hope my latest album goes platinum.":: Ruben Studdard's right brain: "I could swallow a pig if you sanded its hooves."
  • Popular toy: Tickle Me Elmo:: unpopular toy: Fondle Med Jacko

May 19, 2004

  • George Washington: "I can not tell a lie":: George W. Bush: "I can not tie my shoe"
  • Spend last month saying goodbye to Friends: NBC::Will spend next month saying goodbye to friends: Martha Stewart
  • Gwyneth Paltrow: Named her baby "Apple":: Ruben Studdard: Tried to eat Gwyneth Paltrow's baby
  • 1994: "Billy Joel is at the Garden!":: 2004: "Billy Joel is in our garden!"
  • Randy Johnson: "The Big Unit":: Conan O'Brien: "The Big Eunuch"
  • Desperately trying to get fifteenth ring: L.A. Lakers:: Desperately trying to get sixteenth ring: J-Lo
  • Clay: An object that is often used by men who then squeeze it, and then play with it in their hands until it gets hard:: Clay Aiken: talented singer
  • Julie Andrews: Climb Every Mountain:: Courtney Love: barf in every fountain
  • Michael Moore's new film: highlights the link between the Bush family and the Bin Ladens:: Michael Moore's new pants: hightlights the link between Michael Moore and Quizno's subs
  • Makes a god-awful noise, then disappears for 17 years: cicadas:: Makes a god-awful noise, then disappears forever: Hootie and the Blowfish
  • Economist: "What goes up must come down":: Paris Hilton: "I must go down on what comes up"

September 22, 2004

  • Typical bride and groom: "Til death do us part":: Britney Spears and Kevin Federline: "Til we run out of Pabst and Slim Jims"
  • Floridians: praying for the end of hurricane season:: New Yorkers: praying for the end of Mets season
  • Sign on President Harry Truman's desk: "The buck stops here":: sign on President George W. Bush's desk: "Desk"
  • Martha Stewart, 2003: Cornish hens and fresh flowers:: Martha Stewart, 2004: making friends in the group shower
  • Director of Star Wars: created imaginary universe:: fans of Star Wars: create imaginary girlfriends
  • Delta Airlines: will fold before the end of September:: Boston Red Sox: Conan's from Boston, he's not reading this one
  • Angels of America: took home 11 Emmys on Sunday:: Ruben Studdard: took home 11 sundaes on Sunday
  • Bill Clinton: "It's the economy, stupid":: John Kerry: "The subject for general debate remains the fiduciary state of our nation's individuals, corporations, and limited liability partnerships in conjunction with the fluctuation of interest rates, both variable and fixed, all of which be filtered through the prism of long-term projections vis-à-vis the rate of employment and gross national product."
  • New series about major airport: LAX:: new series about a drummer masturbating in an airport men's room: MAX
  • George W. Bush, 2001: "We'll hunt Osama down like a dog.":: George W. Bush, 2004: "Check it out, we got Cat Stevens!"
  • Patrick Henry: "Give me liberty or give me death":: Paris Hilton: "Give me length or give me girth"

April 2, 2007

  • Solid, liquid, gas: states of matter:: drunk, stoned, passed out: states of Paula Adbul
  • Rudy Giuliani: projects image of competence aided by strong record as New York's mayor:: George W. Bush: projects image of a bunny aided by two fingers and a flashlight
  • Bill O'Reilly on Rosie O'Donnell: "She should be fired from The View":: Rosie O'Donnell on Bill O'Reilly: worst porno ever
  • Successful McDonald's slogan: "I'm lovin' it":: Unsuccessful McDonald's slogan: "Why is my nine year old obese?"
  • Hillary Clinton: cleaned up in the fundraising department:: Bill Clinton: cleaned up after fun in Daisy's apartment
  • Coca-Cola: known by millions as Coke:: Sanjaya: known by millions as joke
  • Quentin Tarantino: directed half of Grindhouse:: Kirstie Alley: devoured half of steakhouse
  • Bono: knighted by Queen:: Clay Aiken: queen by night
  • Leeza Gibons: dances with two left feet:: Heather Mills: keeps two extra left feet in the trunk of her car
  • Acupuncture: getting pricked again and again and again in every part of your body:: Paris Hilton: hotel heiress